3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
