Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
