you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just want nice things and good sex
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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