i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize