I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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