remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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