my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
