goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
