he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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