bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
and she was petting her beer can
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
