I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
