he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
