Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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