dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
