Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
operation have a gay friend backfired
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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