i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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