From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
