idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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