You're earring is so big in my mouth
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
