im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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