This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
