I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
