On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So vagazzling was a success
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
