Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
