I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she peed on how many people?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
