I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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