You made me cry and you don't even care
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
