Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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