Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
