Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
