I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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