the condom got lost in my hair
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
