I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
