Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
