I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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