I think my fart just growled at me.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
