I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My dick has a subreddit
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
