dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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