apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
