so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
