a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
