and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
