My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Drunk is a universal language darling
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