So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
