We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
