I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
