so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm jealous of your bromance
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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