Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
How external is "for external use only"?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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