Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize