I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
