Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
