Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
