i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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