So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
