so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
