it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
