The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
