she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
