ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
