did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
