apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
