Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
