I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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