I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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