physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
